You're my little dorito
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
