I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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