and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
