I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
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Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He felt like a one man threesome
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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