If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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