The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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