If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
