At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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