Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
