I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
