i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
