The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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