he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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