I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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