1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
