I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
