I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize