You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
