We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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