I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
