Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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