If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
