So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
