just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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