I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
