Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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