all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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