You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
