So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
