i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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