yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
