Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
