you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
sex in a hospital.. check
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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