Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
