your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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