So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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