I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
