By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
