ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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