He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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