just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
