Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
