med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
