I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize