She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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