Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
