the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
