I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
