Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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