Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
