the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
