From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
