I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think I won the penis lottery.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
