She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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