R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
then he tried to convert me to islam
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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