I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
