Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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