There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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