I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
