Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Panties = found
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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