I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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