I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
