It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
